Boundaries can be a difficult thing for some of us, but they are imperative for protection.
A friend of mine told me, “You don’t owe everyone an explanation. No can be no and yes can be yes and no follow up required.” I have learned the hard way to simply tell someone, “I’m sorry, no,” or, “yes, that is my final answer.” Sometimes I do not engage further if the person is being combative or inappropriate.
I used to feel the need to over explain. To overstate what was on my plate and why I responded the way I did. I would offer lengthy explanations for the reasons behind my “no” or my “yes.” We owe our explanations to God.
Jesus said, “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” - Matthew 5:37
So why on this beautiful, green earth, do I feel the need to purge every thought and emotion when I tell someone, ‘No’ rather than just saying, “I’m sorry, no.”
I was asked to do something recently that felt wrong from the get-go. It seemed odd. It was completely out of the blue and from someone I barely know. I had a yucky feeling in my gut, and wasn’t sure how to proceed. I prayed about it and talked it over with Terry and he gave several reasons why the request from this woman seemed to be crossing some very inappropriate boundaries and suggested what he thought they meant.
I replied and said, “I’m sorry, no,” to her request. But she pushed back and became aggressive. Terry was right in his assessment.
I let my ‘no’ be ‘no’ and said nothing else to the woman. Had I engaged further, Jesus’ words were ringing in my ears, “anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
I do not want to be in a position of having to explain myself to anyone other than God and my husband. We do not owe anyone else lengthy explanations. Jesus told us to let our no be no and our yes be yes.
Period.
When we have those, “sinking gut feelings,” recognize those. Be alert. Pray about them, because most often, that is a nudging from the Holy Spirit, and we need not ignore it. When we turn to wise counsel for advice, we should heed their wisdom and apply it.
We later learned Terry was absolutely correct with regards to his assessment and gut feeling. I was leery about the request and asked Terry for his advice. He, too, was leery and told me all I had to say was, ‘no’ and be done with it.
Let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and let your ‘no’ be ‘no.’ Pray for discernment and trust the guidance from the Holy Spirit