During my break from writing, I began journaling. I have not done this in years, and boy howdy. It has been so therapeutic to pour my thoughts, feelings, tears and joys onto paper with a pen. I’m old school. I like to write lists and I like to write cards and letters, rather than just use my phone for lists or sending emails and texts. As I kept this journal, I made a note at the front of the book with the scriptures and songs that helped me on that particular day. As I entered 2020, I thought my “word” for the year would be, “Abide.” But the more time I spent seeking Papa, His Spirit nudged me with two more words during the month of January. Those words were, “Faithful” and “Restore.”
Goodness gracious, I needed those words. God is always faithful and He is always faithful to restore whatever has been broken/lost/stolen.
One morning Michala texted me and said she was up working and studying at 2:00 in the morning but felt strongly about this: “Y’all have a lot on your plates but like you always say, your cups runneth over.” - Michala 1/16/2020. Such wisdom. All of the piles on our plates can also be seen as God’s goodness running over.
We do have a lot on our plates, no doubt about it, but Michala was so correct when she reminded me, “Our cups runneth over,” and I believe His Holy Spirit nudged me through Michala’s heartfelt message.
When the time is right, I will share with you what Terry and I went through and why we were forced to make the decisions we did. But I need to feel a peace from His Spirit before we share it all, and I don’t really have that peace, just yet.
What I can tell you, though, is this break was so desperately needed for my heart. My heart was growing pretty bitter over the evil actions by other people, and the more I concentrated on what they did (as well as what they didn’t do) I was concentrating less on God’s goodness.
“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” - 2 Peter 3:9 (NIV)
As Terry and I walk through this new chapter of His story, we have been forced to trust Him in the unknown future. God is not slow in keeping His promises and I needed to remember that. I also needed to repent and ask God to change my heart and forgive me for the anger and bitterness I felt. The evil done to Terry and me was not unnoticed by God, and He will avenge. What I have needed to focus on more, though, is not spending so much time begging God to avenge the evil, but begging Him to change my heart.
This period of reflection allowed me to spend more time being quiet and listening, and less time crying and wailing at my “Wailing Wall Shower Stall.” Don’t get me wrong, I did plenty of crying and lamenting. Jeremiah and I could be twins with some of the prayers I “lamented” into God’s beautiful hands. But my most important takeaway is God is so patient with me. Even when I am so stubborn, He turns my resentment into contentment when I ask Him to change my heart.
This is a process. When we are “stuck” in places or positions where we do not want to be, but due to the actions of others we find ourselves there, the most beautiful picture I can paint for you is Papa is there, too. He is there to catch every tear that falls and kiss our brokenness away with His love. And it is with His love we see that yes, we have a lot on our plates, but His love makes our cups runneth over. You know why? Because the more we *abide* in Him, we see He is *faithful* to His promises and He will always *restore* our hearts. As I type this, I get to look across and see Terry about two and a half feet away from me, and I know that together, God’s strength will get us through anything.
Yep. My cup runneth over, indeed.