This is a little long, but it is an emotional journey and I wanted to share part of it with you.
My friend Alice texted me one morning and said she wanted me to pray about “Kinsman redeemer.” Just pray about kinsman redeemer for a few days. I know you know the story, but God wants to reveal something more to your heart. Not your head.”
Alice also told me she thought of me when she was reading in a particular study one morning and came across this: “Havilah ~A Hebrew word meaning “writhing in pain” and to “bring forth”. It signifies the making of something beautiful from pain. No God does NOT cause the pain. But ONLY God could bring forth such amazing beauty from such agonizing pain. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen. Especially in those He calls His own.”
I have surely experienced “havilah” in my life. I am guessing you have, as well. I would cry out to Papa and ask, “Will this ever end?” One day I drove out to this beautiful spot in Leiper’s Fork, Tennessee and sat outside weeping. I’ll never forget asking God, “Will I ever get through this pain?” As I sat outside weeping, just the wind, the trees and me … I felt the presence of Jesus sitting with me. I cannot describe it other than I suddenly felt a new strength.
I thought about that day when Alice nudged me to pray about “Kinsman redeemer.” I did not know why I was supposed to be praying about it, and what was God going to reveal to my heart, not just my head? I was very familiar with the story of Ruth, and how God used Boaz to be her kinsman redeemer … how this piece of scripture is to remind us how Jesus takes us in and cares for us and is our Redeemer.
I was too much of an overthinker in this, and every day I prayed, “Papa, show me what you want me to understand. I know Terry is my kinsman redeemer on this side of Your Heaven. But is there something more I am to get?”
And then one day, I got it.
Michala told me on the phone she felt God nudging her to think about and look at her old five year plan. When Michala was in high school, they were told to consider their five year plan. Michala said she felt God nudging her so strongly about what her previous five year plan was, and she realized how different God’s plan for her life was, and what a different path she ended up taking. So that night, Michala began writing out what her old five year plan was, then she made the connection to how different her plan was from what God’s plan was. She told me how much happier she is with God’s plan for her life, than what she thought she would be doing. I was beaming as I listened to her talk about her faith, and how much closer to Jesus she is, every single day. How the path God laid out for her was so much greater than what she envisioned as the five year plan from years ago.
Michala then told me how she looked back through old photos of me holding her when she was a baby and a toddler, and even though I was smiling with her, she could see the sadness and misery behind my eyes. She said even though I looked like I was in good shape from working out, she could still see how unhealthy I was. She said she could see why I made the decisions I made, and she knows my every breath and every move was for her. She said, “Even though you and Dad have had so much stress on your plates the past couple of years, you have joy in your eyes again. You are so much healthier. I can see how God’s plan was so much better for both of us.”
For years, I have found such comfort in Ephesians 3:20. “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,”
There was a time I used to pray and beg God to show me immeasurably more than all I could ask or imagine. I wasn’t asking for material things; I was asking for healing. For deliverance. For restoration.
For redemption.
God restored Michala’s and my brokenness. Exponentially so. Alice pointed out to me, “Your kinsman redeemer (Terry in the flesh) and Jesus (obviously).”
Those years of begging God to intervene and do immeasurably more were never ignored. God was working out a plan and He was writing a beautiful story for Michala and me. He was also answering Terry’s prayers.
Please don’t give up. God is not ignoring your heartache. He is not dismissing your fears. He is not laughing at your anguish. Keep calling out to Him. Keep asking for direction. Keep asking Him to restore your heart. God is seldom early, but He is never late.