A few months ago, something was pretty heavy on my heart and mind. I shrugged it off, thinking, “No way is this from God. He wouldn’t ask me to do that. Not after everything He has seen that person do.”
Every single time the thought entered my mind, I shook my head in defiance, resisting the possibility this could be a nudging from God. On that particular day, I couldn’t shake this thought, again. “Is that you, Papa?” I prayed. I could not wrap my brain around the notion God might actually ask me to do something so far outside of my comfort zone, knowing the history I have had with this person. He has seen how nice I have been and how hard I tried … no way would He expect me to reach out to this person and be nice.
“Nope. No way. No how. Uh-huh. Not happening. Push that crap out of your mind, Aimee. That person has been nothing but hateful to you. Don’t do it.”
That was the pushback from the enemy. So I kept praying about it. You know how we are taught in scripture to wrestle with God? Well, I went into full blown debate mode.
“God, You have SEEN this person. You KNOW how this person treats me. You KNOW how nasty this person always is to me. Why do I always have to be the one to be nice? I don’t want to be. I’m sick of it.” That was pretty much my prayer the night before this event.
The next morning, it was almost immediately placed on my heart to reach out to this person.
So, I prayed, “God, if You really want me to do this … if this is from You, please show me. Give me a peace. Let me know for sure.”
So I got my coffee, grabbed my Bible and began reading. Here I was, desperately searching through God’s Word for a verse to excuse my ignoring this nudge from the Holy Spirit. I kid you not, I read this passage, “"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'” - Matthew 25:40 (NIV)
Talk about being humbled.
I reached for my phone, and reached out to this person who has been nothing but nasty to me. As I typed the short message, I prayed, “Let this person see Jesus through me, Papa.”
When I hit send, I got this warm, gushy feeling. Like God was proud of me. I felt at peace, I really did. I was still smiling when I got an extremely hateful response.
For months, I have wondered, “Why, God? Why? Why did You tell me to do that, knowing how hateful this person has been to me? Why did You allow me to feel like a stupid jerk for being nice to someone who has gone out of their way to be vicious to me? Why did You keep laying it on my heart, and nudging and poking me? I was obedient, God! I did what I felt You wanted me to do, only to be met with hatefulness, yet again!”
Anytime I think about that, I still pray and ask God why I felt such a peace to do what I felt He was nudging me to do, only to be met with nastiness? Did I read Him wrong? Did I misunderstand Him? Was the message misunderstood or misinterpreted?
And then yesterday as Terry and I were speaking to someone completely removed from that nudge I felt, I had this overwhelming presence from the Holy Spirit, and He whispered to me, “This was why. It was never about that other person. It was about whether or not you would be obedient.”
Y’all. I went to take a shower, and that shower stall became my wailing wall, yet again. Only this time, I cried tears of an emotion I can’t quite explain. I came so close to telling God, “Nope. Forget it.” My pride almost kept me from doing what He asked of me.
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.” - Matthew 7:24 (NIV)
You see, sometimes the messages seem weird and wonky. You might feel this overwhelming urge to quietly pay for someone’s meal, or to give someone some money and you don’t know why, or to call someone and tell them, “Hey, you’ve been on my heart.”
Don’t ignore those nudges. Sometimes, you will see right away why God prompted you to do something. Others, you may never know. But it might just be God opening the lines of communication, seeing whether or not you will be obedient.
I’ll take hateful rejection and nastiness from someone all day long if it is what my Papa tells me to do, in order to honor Him. I don’t like it, but sometimes … when I allow my stubborn pride to be set aside, I can see where He is pruning me. And when God prunes us, we know something great is going to happen.
Just wait and see.