“I’m not a regular mom. I’m a cool mom.” - June George, Mean Girls. You know the movie. “On Wednesdays we wear pink.”
I never strived to be a “Cool Mom” in the sense I compromised my parenting. I used to always tell Michala, “I’m cool, by nature.” Of course this was said tongue in cheek and just caused eye rolls and laughter from my daughter who is always honest to a fault with me. Now that Michala is in college, I can call her my “friend.” But growing up, I knew my job was not to be her friend. My job was to be her parent. Her provider. Her protector. Her guidance-giver. Her prayer warrior. Her spiritual teacher.
Gracious sakes, I failed in just about every category. But not for lack of trying. It’s just that now I can look back and see the cracks where I failed her. I can see the fault in the foundation and how the repair work needed has been the supernatural presence and love of Jesus that appears where those cracks once were.
I have heard horror stories about some things other moms have done. So if I am comparing myself to “those” moms, I guess I’m doing fairly well. But if I am doing what I need to be doing, and only comparing myself to the best version of me I can be … there is plenty of room for improvement.
For one thing, we have got to stop comparing ourselves to other people. The internet is full of liars. Trust me, I know. I used to be one. Slap on a smile and a pretty outfit, and boom! Look at that happy woman. Her life must be so perfect! But behind a lot of those perfect hair moments, makeup on point and one leg bent just the right way and a hand on the hip for the cute pose, are some broken hearted women.
We need to help others heal and we need to help them to be real. This includes starting at home with our daughters. Our sons, too. That’s what makes us a “Cool Mom.”
I have a note in my bible next to Ecclesiastes 3 from Pastor Steve Laws, “Life is composed of opposites.” You know the chapter.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” - Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 (NIV)
I knew from the time my tiny toddler and I would stroll the aisles of Target, I had a responsibility to be her guide, not her friend. Of course I joked about being a “Cool Mom,” but more than anything, I wanted to be a “Cool lover of Jesus,” and teach Michala through my actions how to rely on His strength.
It seems to me, however, there was a role reversal for Michala and me. She has been the one who has taught me. She is the one who teaches me about grace. Michala is the one who teaches me about forgiveness. She is the one who teaches me about strength and beauty. It should be me teaching her, but I seem to be learning more than I am teaching.
Pastor Steve is so correct in his comment, “Life is composed of opposites.” I think too many times I was the opposite of what I wanted to be, but Michala is the epitome of grace and a Godly woman.
Oh how I want to be like her. She sources her strength from the only perfect place: Jesus.
And He has made everything beautiful in its time. If it isn’t beautiful yet, then just remember God isn’t finished working on it. His masterpieces take time.