I do not hear God speaking to me. I cannot say, “And then the voice of God boomed loudly, ‘Aimee, this is what you should do.’” No. It is more of a nudge. A sense of peace washes over me when I feel the Holy Spirit guiding me. Leading me. “Telling” me, if you will.
One day, I was in a whining kind of mood as I was praying. “Lay your burdens at the foot of the cross,” I always tell people, right? Well, I was unloading a tractor trailer sized truckload of emotional burdens I have been carrying around for quite some time. One by one, I placed them at the feet of Jesus, picturing them, individually, as I did the heavy lifting and put them all there. Then I closed my eyes and imagined Jesus, sitting on His throne, right next to God; leaning down to pick them all up from me.
One by one I grunted the heaviness and the weight of each one I carried, and one by one, Jesus lifted them all out of my hands.
As I visualized each burden; a new thing I have been doing since my sister-friend Jessica told me how she visualizes handing over her troubles to Jesus; they actually did seem lighter as I pictured Jesus taking them from my hands and into His.
“Jesus, Why do I always have to be the one who is nice and keeps her mouth shut when everyone else is being so nasty?” I lamented to Him. “Why don’t *they* ever learn to be kind and do what’s right? Why are Terry and I always the ones who ‘take it’ and try to ‘rise above’ the level of hatred and evil actions? It feels like it’s all for nothing!” I let myself cry and poured my heart out in prayer. As I cried, I knew to be still and silent. You cannot hear an answer if you are the one doing all of the talking.
“I see you.” I felt. “I see you. It’s not for nothing.”
Sometimes I get a little dramatic in my prayers. I, too, lament. Just like Jeremiah did.
“My eyes will flow unceasingly, without relief, until the Lord looks down from heaven and sees. What I see brings grief to my soul…” - Lamentations 3:49-51 (NIV)
So this is just a tad bit different from my own personal, “lamenting.” Jeremiah (we assume it was Jeremiah) never stopped crying during this period. He was weeping, without relief. This is not me. I only have a spell of tears, here and there. But maybe you are in a season of weeping. Remember, you are not alone in your anguish.
I can’t help but wonder if when I am being whiney, if God rolls His eyes at me and thinks I sound whiny?
But then I remember how merciful He is, and how gracious He is. He doesn’t view us the way we view us. God not only tolerates us, He adores us. Isn’t that an incredible concept?
Even when we are dramatic, tired, overwhelmed, in desperate need of a nap; God still adores us.