Small Circles Are Okay

Michala and I both saw a precious, Christian counselor about 10 years ago. His name was Bob. Bob is with Jesus now, but so many times, I felt like Jesus was with me … because of Bob. I cannot tell you the number of times he helped shine light into our very often, scary, dark lives.

Bob shared a poem with Michala once, and it was about not everyone in your life gets a front row seat. I have tried to find the author of this poem many times, and the only thing I can find says, “Author Unknown.” Anyway, Bob explained to Michala and me both that our lives are like the theater, so we have to be mindful of our audiences. Not everyone should have (or deserves) a front row seat to our lives. 

Some people show up and live lives reflective of God’s love, and it is evident in the way they love us. They deserve front row seats. 

Some people, however, are toxic. They are not healthy, and they need to be in the balcony … not up close. Bob Goff has a wonderful saying in his book, Love Does. He said, “I don’t mean to sound callous, because the bad ones need friends too. They just don’t need you.” This has been a hard lesson for me to learn in life, and I am still learning it. 

But I am learning some of those people I need to love from a distance.

We can still love others in a big way that reflects Jesus’ command to us, while keeping our inner circles, smaller.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” - Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

I believe that wording, “above all else” is there for a reason. If we do not guard our hearts, we are susceptible to allowing the enemy more opportunities to penetrate our hearts and minds. Toxic people are a great way for the enemy to creep inside and overwhelm our thoughts and hurt our hearts. From there, the things we think, the words we speak, the actions we take, all reflect our heart. This is why we need to fiercely guard and protect our hearts. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

This is exactly why some people can be shown love from a distance, but they do not get to be seated in the front row. Not everyone is going to have a seat at our tables. We can still feed them, certainly. But we can use food deliveries (so to speak) rather than seating them right next to us at our dining room tables, allowing their negativity and toxicity to poison our meals. 

Listen, I’m an oversharer. I just am. I feel like everyone I meet needs to know about the neatest thing Terry and I just did, or the new wine we loved, or the incredible chocolate I tasted, or how Michala has made Dean’s List every single semester, and how an A- lowered her perfect 4.0 to a 3.96. But not everyone needs (or should) hear every single detail about our lives. And on the flip side of that coin … we do not need to be sucked into the drama of everyone around us. 

Some people we need to love from a distance. Let them sit in the balcony, but not in the front row. And certainly do not give them backstage passes. Reserve those for your closest, dearest, most trusted loved ones.

And above all else, guard your heart.